The Burnout Loop: Why You’re Still Tired (Even After You’ve Rested)

Apr 14

Have you ever taken a day off, cleared your schedule, even treated yourself to something calming—and still felt totally depleted?

I’m not talking about being tired. I’m talking about that heavy, bone-deep fog that no amount of sleep, coffee, or bubble baths seems to lift. The kind that leaves you staring at your to-do list like it’s written in another language. Or picking fights with your partner over how they chew (true story).

That’s burnout. And for a lot of us in the ADHD and autism community, it’s not a one-time crash. It’s a loop we keep spinning in—and even when we think we’ve escaped, it pulls us back in.

I know this loop intimately.

I’ve lived it. I’ve studied it. And I’ve supported countless clients through it. Burnout is one of those sneaky, insidious things that doesn’t always look dramatic from the outside—but inside? It’s like your system is running 12 apps at once with 3% battery left.

And what makes it more complicated for us is that burnout doesn’t always follow the same patterns for neurodivergent folks.

For people with ADHD, for example, we often override our internal cues with adrenaline and hyperfocus. Which means we don’t notice we’re running on fumes until we slam into a wall. For autistic individuals, the constant effort of masking, managing sensory input, and navigating a world not built for us builds a kind of chronic background burnout that becomes our baseline.

So yeah. When I say I get it, I really get it.

The Invisible Exhaustion of Masking, Pleasing & Over-Performing

If you're anything like me (or the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with), here's how burnout tends to creep in:

You say yes when you desperately want to say no—because you don’t want to let anyone down.
You mask your overwhelm with perfectionism—because if everything looks put-together, maybe no one will notice how fried you feel.
You push through social events, family obligations, or work deadlines with a smile—then crash the minute you’re alone.

It’s a kind of high-functioning burnout that looks “fine” to others but feels absolutely unsustainable to you.

We tell ourselves things like:

“I’ll rest after this next thing.”
“Once this project is done, I’ll take a break.”
“Other people manage this stuff all the time—why can’t I?”

But that break never really comes. Or when it does, you still don’t feel better.

Rest Isn’t the Same as Recovery

Here’s where things get tricky: Rest and recovery are not the same thing.

Rest might look like sleeping in or skipping your workout. But recovery? That’s about regulating your nervous system, tending to your executive functioning bandwidth, and giving yourself space to feel safe in your own body again.

If you’re neurodivergent, especially if you’re constantly navigating sensory input, emotional regulation, and executive dysfunction, your brain is using up energy in ways most people don’t even notice. And recovery requires more than rest. It requires intentional, layered support.

Breaking the Loop Starts with Noticing You’re In It

Burnout doesn't always feel like the dramatic crash-and-burn people imagine. Sometimes it feels like:

Constant irritability over small things
Apathy about things you usually enjoy
A frozen inability to make simple decisions
Feeling numb or disconnected from your body
Crying over... literally anything (or nothing at all)

If that sounds familiar, here’s something I want you to know:

You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re not too much. You’re tired because the system you’re in is asking too much of you, too often.

That awareness is powerful. Because once we can name it, we can start to interrupt the loop—with compassion, not more pressure.

Okay, But What Do I Do About It?

Let’s start simple. Here are a few truths I remind myself (and my clients) often:

🧠 1. Your energy is a finite resource—spend it wisely.

Identify your energy leaks. Are you masking at work? Overextending in your relationships? Doom-scrolling to self-soothe? These things aren’t "bad"—but they might be draining you without replenishment.

💡 2. You need a system that works with your brain.

Rigid routines and guilt-tripping to-do lists won’t fix burnout. But micro wins, gentle structure, and meaningful rewards can. (More on this in next month’s Mental Health Toolkit, btw. 👀)

🧍‍♀️ 3. You have a body—don’t forget to check in with it.

Burnout is physical. Your nervous system needs grounding. That might mean: slow walks, weighted blankets, humming, pushing against a wall—whatever helps you come back to center.

❤️ 4. You don’t have to earn rest.

Rest is not a reward. It’s a right. Let go of the idea that you have to be productive to justify taking care of yourself.

What I’m Doing Differently This Time

As I write this, I’m adjusting to life with a newborn. (!!!)

And while I’m absolutely soaking in the love and chaos, I’m also re-learning (again) how easy it is to fall into the burnout loop—especially when your routines are in flux and your energy is going to everyone else first.

This time around, I’m doing things differently:

Letting go of “bouncing back” and focusing on slowing down.
Asking for help even when it feels vulnerable.
Saying no more often—and not apologizing for it.

And most of all, I’m trying to remind myself that burnout recovery is not linear. Some days I’ll still feel like a mess. But if I can recognize the signs sooner, I can catch myself with more care.

TLDR? Here's the Bottom Line:

Burnout isn’t a personal failure. It’s a sign that you’re living in a system that isn’t meeting your needs.

Let’s change that. One honest conversation, one micro-adjustment, one nap at a time.

And hey—if you’re craving support, I’ve got something special coming soon: a full Neurodivergent Mental Health Toolkit filled with resources, real-life strategies, and bonus shoutouts to amazing humans who are doing this work alongside me.

And in the meantime? Take a deep breath. You don’t have to hustle for your worth here.