9 Ways to Prioritize Self-Care
By Ali PERKINSON, EdD CCC-SLP, BCBA-D
(As seen in Autism Parenting Magazine, Issue 165)
Here are some practical strategies to help caregivers nurture themselves.
Being a parent is one of life's greatest joys, but it also comes with its fair share of challenges. When you're raising an autistic child, those challenges can sometimes feel over- whelming. Amidst therapy appointments, school meetings, and navigating the complexities of autism spectrum disorder (ASD), it's easy for caregivers to neglect their own needs. There are only so many hours in the day, and so much information is out there to absorb. However, it's essential for parents of autistic children to prioritize self- care, modeling self-management and self-awareness, and co-regulating the household and overall family harmony.
Let's explore practical strategies for caregivers to prioritize self-care, seek support, cultivate resilience, and nurture the caregiver within.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step in self-advocacy is understanding what your rights are and recognizing your needs. This requires a deep and honest reflection on what aspects of your environment help you to function best and what triggers might disrupt your peace or progress. Whether it’s requesting accommodations at work or school, or seeking understanding in personal relationships, knowing your rights and needs is crucial.It's okay to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, lonely, or even angry at times.
“Acknowledge your emotions without judgment. Bottling up your feelings can lead to burnout. Finding a trusted friend, therapist, or support group where you can express yourself openly and without reservation is important.”
A therapist or counselor can provide you with the sup- port, guidance, and coping strategies you need to navigate the challenges of autism parenting. Building a strong support network can provide emotional support, practical advice, and much-needed respite.
Practice Self-Compassion and Gratitude
Parenting an autistic child can be demanding; there is no playbook, and there are always some "new" therapies to try. Please remember to be kind to yourself and understand that you're doing your best with the available resources and knowledge. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer a friend in a similar situation.
Despite the day's challenges, pause and commem- orate the moments of joy, love, and connection in your journey as a caregiver. Take time each day to reflect on what you're grateful for, no matter how small. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can help shift your perspective and foster resilience. This resilience leads to bravery, which every parent needs while on this journey.
Set Realistic Expectations and Establish Boundaries
It's essential to set realistic expectations for yourself and your child. Understand that progress might be slow and scattered. Celebrate even the smallest victories and remember that every step forward is significant, no matter how small.
You do not need to fill your child's and your calen- dar with therapies and extracurricular activities. Allowing yourself and your child unscheduled time is essential to calm and recalibrate the nervous system.
This means you must learn to say no when necessary and set boundaries to protect your time and energy. It's okay to decline additional commitments or delegate tasks to others when you're feel- ing overwhelmed. Prioritize activities and relation- ships that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Prioritize Self-Care
Self-care isn't selfish; it's a necessity. It's helpful to think of self-care as your mental fitness routine. To truly parent in a way that makes a difference, you must feel mentally flexible and strong. This means making time for activities that recharge your batteries and bring you joy.
“Whether taking a walk in nature, practicing mind- fulness and meditation, reducing social media, using your vacation days, determining what you val- ue, indulging in a hobby you love, or having snacks for yourself and your family, carving out time for yourself is vital for your well-being.”
This is a wonderful opportunity to model how important self-expression and self-prioritization are.
Practice Active Listening
It's important to practice active listening and clear and direct communication. Practice active listen- ing with your family members. By listening, you can determine what is most important to your child and eliminate the other items you "should" do. Give your family and yourself full attention, show genuine interest in their words, and validate their feelings and experiences without judgment.
Establish Routine Check-Ins and Respect Sensory Needs
Set aside regular times for family meetings or check-ins where everyone can openly discuss their feelings, concerns, and any challenges they're fac- ing. This can create a safe space for open communication and problem-solving. It can be a time for your family to reflect on whether any environment or activity is too overstimulating.
For example, doing homework near the kitchen while food is being cooked and people are helping out or gathering might be a sensory overload of sounds and smells. A solution might be to incorpo- rate noise-canceling headphones or play classical music for the whole family.
It is important to be mindful of sensory needs, creating a comfortable environment by minimizing sensory triggers when possible, and respecting each person's sensory preferences. This is an environment that facilitates co-regulation. Parents are lead "co-regulators," which means your mood is contagious and directs the whole family's attitude. Therefore, it's essential to recognize your own body language, tone, and sensory system.
Make Time For Connection
It's easy to become consumed by the demands of caregiving, but remember to nurture your relationships with your partner, other children, and friends. Make time for meaningful connections and activities that strengthen your bonds and bring you joy.
Model Positive Communication and Give Choices
It is important to lead by example by modeling pos- itive communication behaviors within the family and to yourself. The words you say, both externally and internally, matter; look at your internal dialogue.
It is imperative to show respect, kindness, and empathy in your interactions with yourself and others while demonstrating the importance of compas- sionate communication. Similar to how you provide choices to your children, allow choice in your life. What few choices would make your day even better?
Practice Patience and Empathy
Recognize that neurodiverse family members may communicate differently or require additional time to process information. Practice patience, empathy, and understanding during conversations, especially during stressful or frustrating times. Don't compare your family's routines or unique communication styles with anyone else's. Many neurodiverse individuals need additional process- ing time for directions and questions. Let that extra time be a place to breathe.
Remember, nurturing yourself is not a luxury–it's a necessity. Prioritize self-care and seek support while practicing self-compassion. Then, you can cultivate resilience, strength, and well-being as you navigate the unique journey of parenting an autistic individual from birth through adulthood. Take it one day at a time, celebrate your successes, and remember you're not alone on this journey.
Recognize that neurodiverse family members may communicate differently or require additional time to process information. Practice patience, empathy, and understanding during conversations, especially during stressful or frustrating times. Don't compare your family's routines or unique communication styles with anyone else's. Many neurodiverse individuals need additional process- ing time for directions and questions. Let that extra time be a place to breathe.
Dr. Ali Perkinson, EdD CCC-SLP, BCBA-D, considers herself a social scientist who has always been curious about relationships and interpersonal dynamics. She is a licensed educational psychologist, speech-language pathologist, board-certified behavior analyst, licensed neurodiverse couples counselor, certified sexologist, and a proud ADHDer. She uses traditional and alternative modalities such as Ayurveda, attachment theory-based psychotherapy, Social Thinking, Neurodiversity-Affirming, Trauma-Informed, ACT (acceptance commitment therapy), CBT (cognitive behavior therapy), Gottman Method, SSP (safe and sound protocol), social and emotional learning (SEL), and mindfulness. She strives to make a genuine connection with her clients, feels social support is a biological necessity, and wants to help all neurodivergent individuals to reach holistic communication and to show perfection is an illusion.
